Like most rugby clubs Billingham home match day is a finely turned machine with lots of administration, organization and time given freely by a wide range of people who are the club. Most of it goes unseen but without it match day would be a much drabber affair, this goes to all those who colour the day and make it what it is. The build up this week has also been a case of location, location, location with various events that warrant comment, I.E. the usual rambling on.

On Thursday I was drawn down to the club for a “light” gym session as a body-double stand in for one of the Billingham alumni. This is in case Browne (social media mastermind) dropped in to take pictures of the workout and there aren’t’ enough people struggling to illustrate the spirit is our strength rather that physical peak mantra. He was obviously busy in his island lair just off Hartlepool so the efforts to at least lift something and look photogenic at the same time went to nothing. This also coincided with Stu doing his best Michael Caine impression working out how to get a team bus into the car park via the 4 way traffic light control on Greenwood road. No small cars were used during this process. Stu was pulled into another admin conversation so I attempted to shut the gym container doors and yes the whole story is a set up for the punch line, I was only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.

Warming down we were wandering round towards the garage where I was accosted by two angry readers (yes, it surprised me that people read this too) questioning the validity of the naming of the match day vantage point within the match day report. Despite my watertight explanation it was pointed out that I was walking in the footsteps of giants on the hill, both those who were instrumental in the club progress and those who visited it more regularly than me. Although Harvey’s hill is very apt the feeling was that Brown’s mount or Mt. Brown in memory of the much loved and sorely missed President Ian Brown is a suitable marker. I was lashed thoroughly with a pair of returned first team shorts and asked to be more factual in future, even though I make most of it up allegedly.
So on into the bar where comedy gold was in the air as the following was described in detail, over refreshments of course. As part of the Billingham match day there is a small wager regarding the first try scorer and last try scorer, this organized by a young buck, we will call him Duane for the purposes to this next segment. He uses a set of orbs with numbers on relating to the shirt numbers of the scorers, these will be referred to as balls and 2 material sacks so once a ball is selected out of one the sacks it cannot be re-drawn as it is dropped into the other, these will be referred to as ball bags. Given the lay-off Duane hadn’t seen his balls or ball bags since March 2020. Various locations were searched with Duane getting more anxious that his balls and ball bags would not be found, however Matt (people call him a bar steward but he’s a really nice chap) managed to lay his hands on Duane’s balls and ball bags in the office. Given the length of time they had laid dormant Duane’s balls and ball bags were in a less than impressive state but after a quick blow and dust they came up shiny. Duane will be on hand at home matches to offer you his ball bags and let you rummage to select his balls, plus the balls and ball bags are available for sponsorship. More tales from carry-on clubhouse in later reports, oh err matron.

Game day arrived with a slightly underwhelming grey overcast sky with the chance of precipitation, due to the Greenwood road traffic situation I opted for a quick trot down rather than using the car. I would say that this was a conscious effort to reduce global warming but I would be lying but it did give a chance to re-check the weather with a mist, drizzle or sea roke making an appearance dependant on how you term these things. Being slightly late I continued straight up to Brown’s mount to get a seat and ready the pens. Just in time as the teams jog out, Wirral in cherry hoops and shorts, Billingham in green and white, the man in the middle in a yellow body with blue arms and black shorts. All of the Billingham players look to be wearing adequately fitted shorts so we are ready to go. 2021 – 22 season starts here baby.
Billingham kick off towards the club house and after a bobble, which didn’t go forward Wirral sweep up and kick long. The teams look to get into some sort of pattern and shake off the rustyness due to the long layoff. Any sort of rhythm is hard to find as during the game penalties become a re-occurring theme followed up by various conjecture, the first of these gives Billingham the first stretch of the legs but is curtailed by a forward pass. Scrums look to be equal and any break up the wings is quickly shuffled into touch by both defenses. Billingham employ various tactics to break through the congested midfield with kicks over the top, nudges to chase through and long passes. The breakdown, always a key area, is a source of many of the infringements as Wirral end up or are pinned on the wrong side of the ball plus the slowing down is more not releasing than hands off when the referee can see or ask.

It’s entertaining stuff with the crowd comments being thrown about and quite a bit of conversation on the pitch with the man in the middle. As the arm wrestle continues the current club president calls with a winning bonus ball cheque (or 2), news that Michael Caine is not in attendance reaches the mount and my first pen runs out. The Billingham line out looks to be in fine fettle, with various options for Jordan Foulds to seek accurately for Billingham but the same cannot be said for the Wirral throw, pressure is applied with Anthony Jackson’s hands being a constant threat. I’m not sure there was much wind but long kicks from penalties and open play are sent dead leading to the trudge back for a scrum and any advantage lost. With Jacko picking at the back of the scrum Billingham are building with strong supporting runs from Pete Youll and Anth Rumis. Another Wirral infringement allows good field position and Billingham probe for a score, the Wirral guards putting in a shift as the Billingham forwards go round the corner. Its slow ball with the man in the middle having enough and a flash of yellow is produced to compliment his colorful attire, despite an exchange of views a Wirral player goes for a breather.

From the scum the forwards take it on with Joe Spoors going close and despite the various pointing players no straight arm from the ref as the ball is adjudged to be either lost or held up. It’s at the far end under the baying balcony so now idea which one or if it was grounded from me. It’s a drop out from under the sticks, Elliott Husband collects nicely and nudges over but it’s a bit too far but Wirral are forced to cover with a man down. Billingham up a gear to make the advantage pay with Spoors again to the fore with a half break, its moved to the middle with quick hands and a offload the supporting runner, Jacko pounces to open the scoring. Jobe steps up and strokes home the conversion for a hard earned 7 – 0.

Wirral kick off but not 10 so back for the scrum and a halfway set up for Billingham. A nudge through puts Wirral on the back foot and the break out is dragged into touch in their own half. Anth is hoisted to take the catch cleanly and Wirral are offside as the phases roll into the middle of the pitch. Dead centre as Billingham take the option of the kick to the sticks rather than the corner and Jobe keeps the scoreboard ticking over. 10 – 0

Will Wirral go left or right as Billingham switch the defence but the kick off finds the safe hands of Martin Hopley, as across to Peter Evans who’s kick it fielded by Wirral who bring it back with interest. Its Wirral into Billingham territory and with a penalty which they kick to the corner. Line out kerfuffle with an over throw, which Jordan at the tail catches but the breakout ends with a knock on. Wirral turn the screw moving the ball about and getting the runners on to the ball with speed. It’s another penalty which Wirral opt to kick to the corner but the line out is not proving a good platform as its loose,
Billingham turn it over and are off up the pitch with the Elliott looking to avoid the cover defence. Wirral shuffle back but there a hand in the breakdown ripping the ball out just as the ball is about to be moved. The man in the middle reaches for the pocket again as Billingham kick for touch. Line out is long as Peter has to collect allowing the backs to spread across the pitch, the ball sees some air and an insid pass sends Peter Youll over. Jobe puts the ball on to the roof bouncing down onto the concourse for 17 – 0.

Jogging back for the kick off some rubbish on the pitch is spotted by the ever vigilant club captain and in a strange reversal to football matches a player throws an item into a group of spectators, I may add in a controlled manner and with a apology if it alarmed anyone. Wirral kick off long, Billingham secure and look to move out but are caught not releasing and Wirral kicking for touch. The line out is more secure as Wirral look to get something form the half but the defence holds firm and drives back the advance. Billingham steal and a half break by Ben Walton up the field is ushered into touch to end the half.

It’s been quite a tussle and indicates the strength of the league as there are no easy points. The mount is alive with the various points being discussed by a lively throng, just as game day should be. At this point I would like to mention my congratulations the GB wheelchair team who not only won the gold medal but played “Sweet Caroline” on the team bus back from the event thus restoring my faith in this song being a Rugby away fixture bus favorite. I may even reload it into the jukebox.

As the sky’s get greyer the second half beckons with Billingham playing towards the mount which sees a gradual influx of alumni and club stalwarts leaving the club house to be where the action may be. Apparently it’s a long way to go back to the bar or a toilet, any chance of a pop-up bar on the mount? It’s all about the balls as the half commences with a bit of kick tennis and with both teams eager to either continue with or grab a bit of momentum the penalties make a re-appearance. Wirral are looking to force it but as they get up speed the last pass foes astray into touch or they are turned over plus the line out hasn’t really improve, I would say it’s a lottery. Billingham look a bit more composed, the forwards are linking well and the backs are making good ground through hands but there is a lack of clean chances due to the Wirral defence. There’s a Wirral attempted interception, one handed so he’s lucky that it’s not seen as a knock on. But it’s only a temporary respite as in quick succession the yellow is brandished as Wirral find themselves on the wrong side at the breakdown blocking the retrieval of the ball and then for not releasing the tackled play about 2 feet from the touchline. From the scrum a long pass gives Martin Hopley a gap, he asks the question and commits the cover tackle popping the ball up for Elliott to sneak in at the corner. The conversion sweeps across the posts from wide for 22 – 0.

Wirral kick off and Billingham bobble backwards so send off a long kick to clear, Wirral send it back so its moved out wide and Joe Ross is off up the wing. The cover tackle is made and Joe is slow to get up as play moves across to the other wing. It’s all getting a little bit scrappy and comments are being exchanged more regularly than the first half. Wirral disrupt and stick to the defense well, there is certainly now rhythm to the game. Billingham have to work hard to press home the advantage with Pete E weaving to get gaps and Pete Y running strongly and offloading. Billingham work it up the pitch and force a scrum well in the Wirral half from there its quick hands, Jobe in space then a pass to the speeding John Padley to open his league account. Jobe back on target for 29 – 0.

I’ve never see the mound end so popular and then is starts to drizzle but it doesn’t lessen the crowd. Billingham look to see the game off and the forwards take the ball up sending Nathan Myers over but again held up with the man in the middle right on top of the action to make the decision. The rest of the game sort of lost its way which doesn’t really do the teams justice for the effort they put in. Wirral disrupted and defended well plus when up to strength put on a late burst but loose passing resulted in no points in this fixture. Billingham looked to keep to the game plan but just couldn’t get that extra brake to add points but put in a massive effort in the later stages to protect the doughnut. A Wirral tap penalty that went wrong to close the game really summed up the last segment of the second half.
This was a massive effort all round from everyone connected to both clubs, this is not the usual regular league start and it was a very good opener. Both teams will look at the game to work on things and I feel that we have yet to see the best from both, there will be sore bodies plus some sore heads from the after match refreshments no doubt.

No time this week for – the scoreboard is back on, at last I can wear my #OSIOS hat, he blew out the back, so sir can we debate that?, it’s a longer walk that I thought, Duane’s ball control, no Ritche, Stu or Browny hope this match report is accurate, when is the Brown’s mount arms opening?, kick for the corner vs points on the board? and don’t tell everyone it looks good at this end.

"It’s the little details that are vital. The little things make the big things happen.” John Wooden

An innocent bystander.

#OSIOS